Defined by Description

My posts in the past few months have been particularly heavy and now I'm beginning to have less and less to vent about here. It might be because I'm moving into a calmer part of my life. This is a good thing. I'm crossing my fingers. While I'm starting to feel more like myself again, I'm also becoming more and more aware of how little like myself I've become.

I went through some very old pictures yesterday and started to feel like I didn't even recognize myself. So much has changed in the past few years. To start with, I was an athlete in college. I played lacrosse at a Division I school, was recruited and all that. By the end of my time there I had been playing lacrosse for ten years. Before and overlapping with that I played various other sports, rode daily and competed in horse shows every weekend. All that is so far removed from my everyday existence. However, some part of me still sees myself that way.

I started to think about how self realization seems to come at a dragged pace. Meaning we don't really ever feel like that person until we've moved past that phase. We're constantly reflecting on where we've been and applying that to our present lives. At least that seems to be the case for me. Prime example, "I'm not the type of person who take pictures of myself and puts them all over the internet and goes on and on about my private life in a public place." Except that apparently, I am. 

If you were a certain way once, I think you always feel some connection to that. If you're constantly describing yourself that way, it's hard to see past it. "Oh, I'm shy." "I'm thin." "I'm heavy." "I'm nerdy." or whatever your description might be. 

The case might actually be that we're holding ourselves back from being whoever we are by attaching all these adjectives to who we were. I may have described myself as athletic once, but I'm not that anymore. I may be again in the future, but not right now. I used to describe myself as shy but I'm not sure I can claim that one anymore either. At least not in the same way that I once meant it. What if the only reason I act shy is because I repeatedly describe myself that way?  

Hat from Madewell, Chambray Shirt from Gap, Citizens of Humanity Jeans, Socks from Madewell

My Mom's Vintage 1960's Sweater from Iceland, Old Mittens, My Mom's Thermolite Boots

When I was looking through all the old pictures I couldn't help but think over and over again how different I am, yet I still describe myself now in many of the same ways I would have then. What's wrong with this picture? I have changed so much, shouldn't my portrayal of myself as well?

Kim and Brian took these pictures during their visit. I have to say, they did an amazing job! Thank you so much you two! I'll cover more about where we went and what we did for our last days at the beach in the next few posts. 

  
Photos by Kim and Brian

On another note, I'm very sorry I'm so far behind on writing back to all the amazing comments I've been getting lately. I just wanted to let you know how much your words, opinions, and small notes, mean to me. I'm so happy that I have this space to share and, if I'm lucky, really connect with other people. Hopefully I'll be able to get my feet back under me and start the cycle of connection all over again. In the meantime, THANK YOU. 

The Cliffs in Winter

Winter is here. We've gotten so much snow this season. I can't remember having a winter like this in such a long time. I'm used to having just one big snow and then maybe a few flurries to tide the season over. 

I don't dislike winter. In fact, I really like the idea of a long hibernation. Settling in at home with tea, a few good books, warm fire burning, and some baked goods getting toasty in the oven. That sounds perfectly lovely to me. I'd also like to put snowshoeing on that list. 

 

Unfortunately, I can't stop working and move to a cabin in the woods for a few months...yet. I always loved when my family and I would go further north in the winter. It seemed like such a quiet winter lifestyle. All the houses nestled in white hills of snow with tufts of smoke coming from their chimneys. That was something I could imagine having. 

This walk out to the cliffs I took Kim and Brian on I have only ever done in the winter. I've only seen these views when everything is undisturbed and sparse. I think that's what I enjoy most about winter. It's how hushed everything seems. People are curled up inside, and places are more likely left alone. 

Faux-Fur Trapper from Block Headwear, Old Gray Jeans, Scarf from Madewell, Socks from Madewell
My Mom's Vintage Woolrich Coat, Old Riding Boots

Maybe it's a good thing I've never been out to these cliffs in the summer. It might ruin them for me. 

 
Photos by Kim and Brian

I went to my parents this past weekend for some R & R. I've been feeling particularly run down so it was good to get away from the city and not have a weekend agenda. I have many more pictures of Lua and I from my weekend with Kim still to come!

Scenes from a Trip : Home, NY

Kim and Brian got to see it all when they visited over the weekend. On Thursday they came into the city to stay for the night. We went out to dinner near my apartment with Melissa. Somehow we all managed to fit into my tiny apartment. The more the merrier definitely applies to NYC apartment slumber parties. 

We woke up early Friday to drive out to my parents house. There's nothing like a road trip to spark some great conversation. I had to make a few pit stops along the way, and we had to dig out the driveway, but it ended up being perfect timing to catch the sun going down at the beach. I tried to rush them to one of my favorite beaches before the sun hit the water but we were blocked out by snow. I headed over to a different spot and we caught the sun just as it slipped behind the land. 

We decided to cook in and make an evening of it. Brian is excellent in the kitchen and offered to make some of his delicious potato leek soup for dinner. Kim and I spent the rest of the night celebrating being back together with champagne and hugs. It was certainly magical. 

I had big plans for Saturday, that included going for a walk, eating, and relaxing. Brian once again made us a delicious meal of poached eggs and toast to make sure we had plenty of energy for the day. I made Kim and myself some yerba mate, and we enjoyed the Orange Cranberry Scones I had made for their visit. Our morning was so relaxing that we just sat around the table talking for a long time and enjoying our warm drinks before we mustered up the motivation to brave the great outdoors. 

Sometime around mid-day we went over to the trail. No one else was there so I could let Lua run around while we walked the path. She really doesn't have any interest in running away, she wants to run. Every time she got too far I'd just call her and she'd come running back. 

At the end of the narrow trail the woods open up to the cliffs overlooking the ocean. It was so quiet out there. There's an old WWII bunker that faces out to the ocean. The view back towards the bunker in the winter is one of my absolute favorites. The sky out there always amazes me. 

By the time we were done marveling at and walking around on the trail it was time to go back to the house and get ready for the night out. One of my oldest friends (we met when we were four) had called to say she was in town. Shortly after she was at my house and being introduced to Kim and Brian. 

We all went to one of the local bars to have a few. My best girl friend from college was also in town that night so she came down to join us. For a minute it was very strange for me. I sat there as three completely different moments in my life met. One, who has been my friend my whole life, another who went on all my college escapades with me, and then Kim, who I only recently met through the bizarreness of this whole experience here. 

I took everyone to one of my favorite restaurants for a lovely seafood meal. Post dinner I attempted to learn how to play Rummy. We enjoyed more entertaining conversation, great food, and pleasant wine under the twinkling lights until it was time to say goodnight. 

Photos by Me, Kim, and Brian

I have so many more pictures to post from the weekend! Kim and I really went to town grabbing pictures at every opportunity we could. Much more to come!

Coming Home

Over the long weekend Kim and her boyfriend Brian came out to visit me at my parents house. We spent a lot of time at the beach, hiking around, and relaxing inside. I'm so glad they were able to visit and that I was able to show them some of my absolute favorite places. 

I love taking people around this area. I've been lucky enough to do my fair share of traveling over the years, but there's something so special about it there. These are the spots I hold most near and dear to my heart. One of the reasons I enjoy showing people these places is because, I'd like to think, it gives some insight into who I am and what I truly value in my life. 

 

Being twenty-somethings trying to find footing in our lives and figure out who we want to be, it's easy to loose sight of where we came from. Coming out to these places always helps me re-evaluate the things that are really important. It's why I tend to retreat here when I need to start fresh. 

Sunglasses from Sucre, Ugg Gloves, Scarf from NYC Street Vendor
Borrowed Sweater, Shirt from Madewell, Vest from Madewell, Citizens of Humanity Jeans, JCrew Belt, Socks from Madewell
My Mom's Thermolite Boots, Necklace from Clyde's Rebirth

When I take new friends out it gives this place a different feeling all together. It becomes even more special because I'm able to share the amazing places that I'm so protective of. I can show them why I'm always gushing about it and why I never mind taking the extra time out of my weekends to drive away from the city to get there.

We took these pictures on Friday after the drive out. I'm very happy Kim and I were able to reunite so soon after seeing each other for New Year's. The more time we get to spend together, the better. I'm just happy that Philly is so close. 

Photos by Kim and Brian

Needless to say I had a wonderful time this weekend! Thank you so much to Kim and Brian for being extremely patient and taking many, many pictures. It's always nice to have friends around that share the same hobbies and interests as you do. Makes for a very pleasant, easy going time. 

You can check out Kim's post (including some pictures I took) from the same day here.